Birthyourway

Welcome to Birthyourway's Blog. This space is intended to serve as an interactive site for Doula related stuff based in Ottawa and around the globe. The archive links on the right hand margin will help you identify topics of interest to you. Your pictures of real pregnant bodies- stretch marks and all- would be most appreciated as contributions. Share your birth stories, concerns and comments by submitting to birthyourway@gmail.com

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Processing the process


I have officially reached the 1 month mark in my new life as a midwifery student. It has not been comfortable. I've protested and struggled with a clash of philosophy. The night before I started, I felt as though birth was imminent. It lasted about a week. I was excited! And then, very suddenly, I resented the inside baby - the one I had hopped and dreamed for, the one whose perfection aggressively turned to imperfection. Then by the end of week two I cried uncontrollably. I felt I needed to purge. I felt I was loosing myself. My identity. I felt like at 25 I had finally come to know myself and actually like me. Enjoy me. Be comfortable with me. When suddenly, I had to give myself up. I felt there was no other way to get through this program but to surrender to it. And for a while that felt very oppressive and unlike anything I could ever expect Midwifery to feel like. I mourned the way I have in the past during funerals. It was all very bizarre. Finally, finally. I've found a way to be at peace with the imperfections of post legislation midwifery in Ontario.

The funny thing is, I was warned that I would feel this way. But I refused to believe it. I thought: Hell no! I won't feel that way! Are you crazy?! I will be so happy to finally have the priviledge to study, to become. I accepted and embraced the fact that midwifery has become a profession paid for by our health care system. I felt it only made sense that midwifery mainstream into the everyday life of our culture and be standardized via formal education.

I still believe that. But something is missing. Something I expected would be here that just isn't. Academia does not teach the art of midwifery. I don't know why I thought it would. I was naive to think so.

So I've come to terms with the fact that the MEP is 1/3 of my education and the rest is up to me to complement. It took realizing that and being at one with that notion to be okay with things.

7 Comments:

  • At 9:47 PM, Blogger Sarahthedoula said…

    I think I hear what you're saying. I've thought about becoming a midwife, but a good friend of mine who had all four of her children with midwives (two pre-legislation & 2 post) has said that I would struggle with the legalities of it all which exist now. *sigh* I'm glad that you're finding a way for it to work for you.

     
  • At 10:16 PM, Blogger Birthyourway said…

    Hi Sarah!
    I always wanted this blog to just be positive and thought, maybe I shouldn't post about this here. But then I though why am I censoring myself? This process has been a challenge for me no doubt about it. Even so, I never felt like the challenge wasn't worth it. If anything, I feel all the more motivated to get this show on the road and become a midwife.
    It's strange feeling more distanced from midwifery now that I am a student midwife than I did before. I just wanted this feeling to have a voice since I have yet to come accross it anywhere else from student midwives.
    I still love midwifery and would never want to scare anyone away from it!

     
  • At 10:32 AM, Blogger Sarahthedoula said…

    I'm not scared off.... just waiting for the time to be right. :) I'm glad you could be honest about more than just "the class work is hard" portion of midwifery education in Canada.

     
  • At 11:06 AM, Blogger Sunshine said…

    So much of what you say echoes into my world right now! Are you sure we are not in the same school? No we are not physically I think, but in the same process. So glad I found you, I think I will link to you if that is ok?

     
  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Birthyourway said…

    Hi Sunshine! I love that blogger can bring us together. So far away yet so closely related. I look forward to reading your blog ;)

     
  • At 1:47 PM, Blogger Birthyourway said…

    Hi Rachel,
    Thank you for your comment (I won't post it since it's too personal). I appreciate your kind words. Please say hello to everyone for me!

     
  • At 1:34 AM, Anonymous Em said…

    I feel some of what you're saying because next year I'm hoping to start my studies and some of these things are tough for me to accept against the grain.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home